Friday, May 26, 2006

On Tuesday I took and passed my motorbike theory test, which was a result, because despite revising for four weeks, beforehand, I'd been taking the test on a computer programme all weekend and kept failing!

In just over a week's time, I am going up to Brum for the week to do an intensive training course with the test on the Friday: the final day.

But the thing that really sets this all off is that on that same day work is flying me to Milan, to race sports bikes around a circuit. I'm going to be wearing something like this:

No prizes for anyone who can spot the danger in a novice (to say the least) rider haring around a race track at speeds in excess of 100mph. I guess at least I'll look brutally hot in my leathers, as I'm stretchered off to hospital.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

My name is Christopher. Nice to meet you.

There are two specific things you can do when you first meet me that are both guaranteed to get up my nose and ensure that we will never, ever be friends.

The first is to shake my hand so hard that I find it hard not to yelp as I feel the bones crush and a couple of fingers dislocate. Granted, no ladies have ever done this to me, but plenty of guys have. I've often thought that those guys either a) don't realise that their handshake is a pathway to a whole other world of pain, or b) that their handshake is some kind of neo-Neanderthal attempt at proving an alpha-male status. Seriously, either learn to take your handshake down a notch or two or the next time you crush my metacarpals I'll stab you in the heart.

The second thing you can do which will make me despise you with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns is to call me Chris ... immediately after I just introduced myself as Christopher!!! (The caveat is that it is ok to call me Chris if I introduced myself to you by that name, which would have been at any point prior to 1996.)

The fact that I used to be a Chris is irrelevant. I always preferred Christopher to Chris, but my parents started the trend immediately after I was born and for a long while it stuck. A bit later in life, when I began my career, I decided to adopt my full moniker. So it's not me being precious or anything like that. It's just that I have a nice name and I prefer it to the shortened version.

And I'm sorry, but just immediately shortening someone's name is rude and overly familiar. Do you think it's acceptable to shorten Catherine to Kate, Elizabeth to Lizzie, Marilyn to Maz, or John to Jack (never really understood that though. Isn't the idea of shortening someone's name supposed to make it, er, shorter?)

So, just to summarise, if you do this:

"Hey Chris! Nice to meet you!" *crushes hand in vice-like grip*

... I may very well stab you in the heart. Twice.

Unless you're really hot, in which case I'll just be all giggly.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Bad

I have found that going to New York, coming back again, going to Amsterdam, coming back again, dating someone, moving house, etc, is not conducive to good blogging.

I have had more great stories to tell in the past few weeks than I have had in a long while, but conversely no time to think about writing about them.

Anyway, this is cheating, kind of, I guess, but I need to post something, so here's a meme sent to me by my lovely friend Helen (who will be 32 on Friday):

1. What time did you get up this morning?
8.00am

2. Diamonds or Pearls?
Diamonds

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Inside Man

4. What is your favorite TV show?
The OC, although season 3 has sucked slightly

5. What did you have for breakfast?
A chai latte and a low-carb doughnut

6. What is your middle name?
Jonathan

7. What is your favorite cuisine?
Fish and chips with curry sauce from the Ancient Mariner in Trowbridge (Tim: I'm expecting a comment on this one alone!)

8. What foods do you dislike?
I'm struggling with this one. Oh! Whole fish. I'm scared of unprocessed fish the same way some people are about snakes. They FREAK ME OUT!!!

9. Your favorite Potato chip?
Sea salt and black pepper kettle chips

10. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
"Logic Will Break Your Heart" by The Stills

11. What kind of car do you drive?
An SUV

12. Favorite sandwich?
Breakfast sandwich

13. What characteristics do you despise?
My characteristics, but only in other people

14. What are your favorite clothes?
Jeans and a white T-shirt

15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation? Vietnam or Cambodia

16. Where WOULDN'T you go?
Blackpool

17. Favorite brand of clothing? Alexander McQueen (expensive)
American Apparel (inexpensive)

18. Where would you want to retire to?
A town house on the outskirts of Bath

19. Favorite time of day?
8am on a Saturday

20.Where were you born? Bradford on Avon, Wiltshire

21. What is your favorite sport to watch? Tennis

22. Who do you think will not link to this meme?
Helen, because she's already done it

23. Person you expect to send it back first?
Um. I know, but I'm not telling!

24. Pepsi or Coke?
Pepsi

25. Beavers or Ducks? Ducks

26. Are you a morning person or night owl?
Like Helen said, I'm flexible as it depends on what is going on

27. Pedicure or Manicure?
Manicure

28. Favorite food to order out at a restaurant?
Lemon chicken and special fried rice from Deliverence

29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I just moved to Shoreditch!!!

30. How many times have you really been in love?
Twice

31. Did you marry one of #30?
No

32. What is your best childhood memory?
Being taken to The Tropicana water park in Weston Super Mare by my Grandma and Auntie Viv

33. Favorite movie?
That's a tricky one. Three Colours Blue or When Harry Met Sally

34. Do you have a Will?
Yes. It's very, very strong!

35. Piercings?
Yes, in my ear and it's never ever closed over even though I haven't properly worn a piercing for years

36. Ever been to Africa?
No, but that will change in December

37. Ever been toilet papering?
No. I think that's an American thing

38. Been in a car accident?
No, thank God!

39. Favorite day of the week?
I want to say Friday, because of the anticipation, but anyone who knows me will know that I would rather it was Christmas Day than Christmas Eve, because it's closer to unwrapping my presents. So Saturday

40. Favorite restaurant?
Criterion in Piccadilly Circus

41. Favorite flower?
Camelia

42. Favorite ice cream?
Haagen Daz [sic] Strawberry

43. Favorite fast food restaurant?
McD

44. What is your dream job?
(Unrealistic and unatainable) internationally famous film star, but not a sell out. A male version of Gwyneth Paltrow
(Realistic, but still unatainable) or an accident and emergency physician

45. From whom did you get your last e-mail?
Katie. She sent me this:

















46. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Brown's Focus

47. Bedtime?
11pm

48. Last person you went to dinner with?
Andy

49. What are you listening to right now?
Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen

50. What is your favorite color?
Purple

51. How many tattoos do you have?
1

52. What time did you finish this?
10.15am

53. Favorite magazine?
Vanity Fair, especially when it features anything written by Maureen Orth

Friday, April 21, 2006

Reasons to be sad to leave NYC

Well, one actually. Our dedicated waiter last Sunday night at Hiro:


Seriously though, I was a good boy. For once, I'm taken.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The underwear I stole:

Two words come to mind ...

Wonder. Woman.


Back

I'm mortally hungover. I have vague recollections of putting $5 in a go-go dancers thong, stealing underwear from a party in a store and talking to actor Luke Wilson in the elevator on my way back to my room.

It would seem that I am back in NYC.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Madonna rip-off shocker

One of the great things about working for the particular company I work for is that I get really, really good perks.

Yesterday morning I had the opportunity to purchase tickets to see Madonna, after they had all sold out in eight minutes. The tickets, however, with absolutely no mark-up added, were one hundred and twenty pounds! These were for pretty basic seats in the arena and were certainly not going to be so close to the stage that you were going to be sprayed with sweat everytime she "expressed herself".

I think I truly am a lapsed Madonna fan now, because I categorically object to having to pay fucking one hundred and twenty pounds for a fucking ticket to see some almost over-the-hill pop star probably get another hernia attempting dance moves that her backing dancers can clearly do better than her!!!

As I told my work colleague, I would rather spend the money on a flight to see old friends in Italy than line the pockets of a multi-millionaire octogenarian songstress.

Hmm. Perhaps I'm getting old, too?

Friday, April 07, 2006

I think that's the longest I've gone without posting for quite some time.

I've been incredibly busy at work organising this New York press trip. Tickets for flights needed to be booked by the close of play on Thursday and by close of play on Wednesday I had only one person confirmed. Which made my own position on the trip that much less tenable. But as is always the way the other two confirmed at the last minute. Now all is good.

So I leave on Tuesday morning and I arrive back in London the following Tuesday. Strangely I'm not particularly nervous about it. Thankfully I have a lot to when I am there and strangely I will also have enough English people there, while I am there to help cushion the emotional impact. My old flatmate, Lynda, and her boyfriend Gary will be there at the same time, as will by board director who I have known for ten years and my managing director who, sycophancy aside, is one of my favourite people at work.

On Tuesday night I am going to a party for a top tennis star, followed by a party David LaChapelle is throwing for Amanda Lepore and her new blow-up sex doll. That should be a hoot, natch. Then on Wednesday I am at the NYC International Auto Show all day, which is AWESOME! In the evening I have a dinner at the Mercer Kitchen. On Sunday I am having Easter lunch at my friend Lincoln's mom's place on the Upper East Side.

And at some point I am also going to see Will, my ex-boyfriend, for coffee. I realised yesterday that when I see him it will have been almost exactly two years since we split up.

It's all a bit surreal. I probably sound like a total drama-queen.

Anyway, I will take lots of photos and will try to post where I can.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

He feels the same way! Whoo!

The only potential issue is that from Monday we will also be work colleagues, although we will be working in different departments. I think we'll have to keep things on the lowdown. Or at least until we get engaged.

Ooh! We can be all furtive and kiss in the elevator and stuff! How exciting!

I love liking people.

Friday, March 24, 2006

I've been asked to go to New York on business for one week on April 11. It is the first time I will have been back since I left just under two years ago. I'm really excited, but also quite scared as well. It's going to be a test. I've so far only told three of my friends there (although by posting this I probably told a couple more!)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Bonjour, Helene!

My dear friend Helen, who recently left the shores of England for those of South Africa to be a missionary, or a midwife, or a sex worker, or something ... has posted her first blog entry!

Apparently she will make a post a week as reliable and fast internet connection is not richly available in South Africa.

Let's check out her stories! But they'd better be interesting or she'll find herself wiped from my links list quicker than you can say, "16 years of friendship."

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Two years on

Two years ago today I tried to kill myself.

At the time I was unbelievably unhappy in my job and while my fledgling relationship was working, for the most part, in retrospect I can see that there were many problems that I wasn't addressing. I was taking all manner of psychiatric drugs in very high doses and over the course of the six days leading up to the overdose I took three months worth of Ativan. I would never get up earlier than 8am. I never had breakfast because there was never enough time and even so I was still always late for work (everyone else was there at least an hour before my arrival.) I had no inclination to do anything when I got there and would spend hours just surfing the net. Everything I did carried minimum effort and thought. I couldn't stick with a book. I would listen to the same track on my iPod over and over and over again because I couldn't muster the energy to choose something else. There were other things, things that I can never tell anyone about because they wouldn't understand why I had to do them and I am too ashamed of who I was. I would lie all the time to cover up the truth of just about everything. I wouldn't be able to sleep through the night so sometimes I would have to sleep under my desk during the day. I would cry all the time for no reason and I would break things quietly, in my room or my office because I needed to vent my anger without anyone knowing. I would starve myself and then I would binge. I lost a lot of weight. I could drink a quart of Vodka and not even feel that drunk, even though everyone else knew that I was smashed. I would smoke at least 20 cigarettes every day, often chaining. More often than not.

A couple of weeks ago my Mum came up to London to spend the day with me. When I got up in the morning I decided that it would be easier, cheaper and nicer of me if I cooked lunch for us as opposed to going out and getting something to eat at a restaurant. So I went to Sainsbury and I bought a bunch of ingredients and made chicken parmesan, served with a salad and a home-made dressing. I washed up as I cooked. I hung up washing in between and emptied the trash. I think I also made some phone calls.

On Tuesday I dropped my iPod while waiting for a tube train. I calmly picked it up, ascertained that it wasn't working, felt a little bit pissed off, but then went back to reading my book, knowing that it wasn't the end of the world and I could get it fixed. Later on I checked Apple's website for troubleshooting. I reinstalled the software, charged it up again and it worked.

Yesterday (on a Saturday) I got up at 8am to finish writing PR plans for the launch of a new computer software. When after a couple of hours I started to have a brain collapse I decided to go to the gym because I knew that I had to do something else for a little while that would give me some focus again.

At the gym the brutally hot boyfriend of a well-known DJ on the London gay clubbing circuit came onto me in a not unsubtle manner in the steamroom. While I was immensely flattered by his interest and while I knew that accepting his advances could be awesomely hot, I was also very aware that it could potentially put me in a world of pain. So I cheekily smiled at him, left the steamroom, showered, changed and left the gym.

I get paid next Friday. For the first time ever, ever, ever my bank account will be in credit before I get paid.

Four out of five days of the week, without fail, I get up at 6am, make some breakfast, drink some coffee before going to the gym to do an hours workout. Even after that I still get to work 30 minutes early. I check and respond to pressing emails and then I write my action list. When everyone else comes in at 9.30am I am wide awake, energised and well into my day.

Let's recap:

I made lunch, multitasked and did some household chores.

I dropped my iPod and dealt with the problem, calmly and rationally, without losing my temper.

I had the focus to do some work on a Saturday, but I was also aware enough of my own capabilities to know when to stop.

I spurned the advances of someone entirely hot, but entirely unsuitable.

I have been careful with my spending.

I get up early and go to the gym and arrive on time at work, if not before time.

I think that most people would look at that list and say, "So what? Big deal." But the truth is that for me these things are major, major achievements. Two years ago the possibility that I could not go overdrawn at the end of the month was categorically absurd. The idea of getting up before 8am, ridiculous. The idea that I would spurn the advances of a super-hot guy, absolutely non-existent.

One of the hardest things I have had to accept in the last two years is that the person who wrote that note and took those drugs and washed them down with neat vodka and then climbed into bed to die could be the same person sat here typing away coherently on his laptop.

While I think that part of him is still in me somewhere, I know with 100% certainty that he will never have another opportunity to cause mayhem and bring it all to an end. And I've given up on trying to convince other people of that too. The best way to prove that you can do something is simply by doing it. And you prove that you won't do something else, by not doing it.

I have learned that there really is life in the details. And that there is pleasure in finally knowing what you can and can't do.

And knowing that everything is going to be ok.

Friday, March 17, 2006

There is something about the London Underground system which brings out the most basic of instincts in people.

Sometimes it's violence.

Sometimes it's anger.

Sometimes it's pure comedy.

And sometimes it's something else entirely.

This morning I was sat on the tube reading my book ("In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote. Guess what I went to see at the movies?) when my attention drifted to a heavily pregnant woman who had just boarded the carriage. The pregnant woman very politely asked the 40-something man sat infront of me whether he would mind vacating his seat so that she could sit down.

The man, who was wearing a very smart suit under a very trendy black trenchcoat with a hood, disinterestedly looked up from his newspaper (it was The Daily Telegraph) and, after a short pause, brazenly replied, "Yes, I would mind." before returning to read his newspaper.

The pregnant woman gave him a lengthy fixed stare of incredulity, probably hoping that he would look up one last time and feel guilty. But he didn't.

So me, being the perfect gentleman (and always more than willing to sacrifice my own personal comfort to make someone else look like a proper twit) stood up, before being asked, and offered her my seat, which she took and duly (and, no doubt, purposefully) thanked me for.

The 40-something, nattily dressed guy just continued to read his paper and although I was now stood up, I continued to read my book. Several stops later, at Bank station, the nattily dressed 40-something man stood up to leave the train, right infront of me. In a flash the pregnant woman had lifted herself up from her seat just enough to slip a piece of card that she had obviously written on in the hood of ND40sM's coat.

It read:

"I AM A FUCKING IMBECILE"

And he got off the tube, exited the station and walked all the way down Cannon Street like that. Oh, and people SO noticed!

I know, because I followed him on the way to the gym.

The moral of this story, if there was one, would obviously be something along the lines of "Hell hath no fury like a pregnant woman."

But whatever. Pregnant tube lady is now my own personal Jesus.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

By coincidence, You're So Vain is actually one of my favourite songs.

After throwing it on at work today, the two other directors on my bank of desks and I started the age-old debate: who is You're So Vain about?

One of the girls found this website. I had no idea that Mick Jagger sung the backing vocals on the song. I seriously must have heard it hundreds of times and I never noticed that, but once you know you can totally tell.

So it's pretty unlikely that the song is about Mick.

It's also pretty unlikely that it's about James Taylor, as she had only just married him (one month in) when the song went to number one in 1973.

And since then she has said that the guy's name features an A, an E and an R. Which rules out Kris Kristofferson.

Which must mean that it's Warren Beatty, surely!?

She's such a tease.

Monday, March 13, 2006

The results

7.9 vs. 7.3.

Goddamnit!

Ok, you see if you could see me and Robbie side by side, in real life, you would totally see that I am the hotter one.

No, honestly. You would.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

We probably think this song is about us ...

Robbie (aka Not The Mama in my comments) is a very close friend of mine and also an ex-flatmate. He's totally Scottish, totally straight, totally engaged and totally a father.

He's also totally hot, although I would never dare tell him that.

Even though it would appear that he already knows.

So while he might be a good friend, now it's war.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Thursday, March 09, 2006

My "if money was no object" wardrobe

From the Autumn/Winter 2006/7 menswear collections:

A touch of Dries Van Noten ...

dSquared2 ...

Givenchy ...

Costume National ...

And finally my favourite menswear designer in the world, Alexander McQueen ...

God, that suit is amazing.