33 today ...

... and this much I know:

1. If you live in London you should own a small umbrella and carry it with you at all times.
2. Mona in Tales of the City was right: I too would rather have six really great friends and no partner, than have a partner but no real friends.
3. You only need two pairs of shoes: one brown pair, one black pair. And you only need two pairs of sneakers: one white pair and one pair for the gym.
   
4. People who notice shoes should stop looking at the floor as much.
5. When I was a child, nine times out of ten my parents were right.
6. My parents have yet to learn that as an adult, nine times out of ten, I am right.
7. There is no shame in not knowing something and asking for an explanation. It's much more shameful to pretend that you do know and then get caught out.
8. Lying to a PR is a waste of time: don't bullshit a bullshitter.
9. It's PR, not ER.
   
10. The expression "a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush" is a highly subjective metaphor.
11. The expression "a rolling stone gathers no moss" is a great metaphor.
    
12. It is absolutely not possible to party non-stop for 24 hours and not feel like ten shades of crap the next day.
13. Putting the hand of someone who is sleeping into warm water does not make him or her pee the bed.
14. Good taste is highly overrated.
15. Other people don't annoy me. I allow myself to be annoyed by other people.
    
16. I always know what is best for me. I'm just not very good at doing it.
    
17. Morecombe and Wise were comic geniuses.
18. Russ Abbot was not a comic genius.
19. Beauty is not in the eye of the beholder: some people just dig unattractive people.
20. Isabella Blow may be as mad as the hats that she wears, but she is massively responsible for helping to put British fashion on the map.
21. For some obscure reason my friends see something in me.
    
22. Posing with big cats in official portraiture only works for Jackie Collins and Siegfried and Roy. And as Roy will attest to, not all of the time.
23. Rent is the worst musical I have ever seen.
24. You can't do anything you set your mind to. I will never be a dancer for Madonna on one of her world tours.
25. I have a finely tuned instinct for things that do not directly relate to me.
26. Inappropriate or politically incorrect jokes are usually the funniest.
27. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems.
28. My sex drive does not decrease as I get older.
    
29. You can succeed without talent.
30. You should be proud of your porn stash.
    
31. When a musician is described by critics as being a "poet" it generally means that they are talented at communicating in unintelligible rhetoric which they would be hard pressed to explain. Applying this logic, Pete Doherty is a poet. Eminem is not.
32. It is necessary to back up your hard-drive.
33. I've learned the hard way that life isn't like a movie or a book, but more like a photograph. Stories don't always have a beginning, middle and an end. It's about taking hold of the moment and enjoying it, if you can, without thinking too much about what happens next.