Tom Ford has been annoying me a bit.

For example, there was no real reason for him to appear on the cover of Vanity Fair with Keira Knightley and Scarlett Johansen (although it's claimed that Annie Leibowitz told him to jump in because Rachel McAdams wouldn't get her kit off).


He really didn't need to pose with identical male triplets for W magazine.


It was also really unnecessary for him to tell everyone that the cheese fondue I made the other night was, like, totally bland.

This evening, over dinner, I told my friend my theory, which is that Tom, for all his genius, seems to be displaying all the signs of possessing an over-sexualised God complex. She nodded in agreement and said, "Also I hear that he has his anus bleached."

Once I had pondered upon this new news for a second or two I decided that I didn't actually think that such an action was necessarily a bad thing. I explained to my friend, "Look, put delicately, a gay boy's anus is likely to receive more visitors than your average heterosexual man or woman. So I think that it's kinda nice that someone would want to make sure that their own looks nice and pretty."

My friend took a moment to consider what I had said. "Yes," she nodded, contemplatively. "I suppose you have a point."

And then we continued eating our shared spicy duck with Chinese broccoli.