Validated

My love affair with clothes started, I think, when I was four and at playgroup. Our mothers and fathers had each donated numerous garments for us all to play dress up with. I remember that my favourite item was a huge pink taffeta ballgown, not unlike the one that Clare won an award for donning at Jerome's pink themed birthday party last year.

Through the decades I have gradually refined and tailored (like that?) my sartorial sensibility to the point where I now approach potential additions to my wardrobe with a very simple philosophy - fashion lasts for a season, style lasts forever.

Many of us think we have great style, but if that were true the high streets of life would be a non-stop Dries Van Noten runway show. The reality is that we have Beyonce and Christina Aguilera. Now, those girls might be able to belt out a tune, but "belt up", they most certainly cannot.

While my wardrobe does contain the skeletons of fashion disasters (e.g. a 1994 outing to Wild Fruit wearing a pair of black and white stripy Lycra leggings, a floaty polka dot shirt and red Dr.Martin's) on the whole I think that have a pretty good look going on. One that Tom Ford would proudly nod to. That said, sometimes it doesn't hurt to have an objective point of view and while I love all of my friends very, very much there are only a few who I trust to pick me up on a possible fashion faux pas.

Today I got the ultimate validation, only not from a friend. I got it from Trinny and Susannah.

I had just been to a job interview and I was walking down Bond Street towards Oxford Street. I was miles away, listening to "Freedom 90" by George Michael on my iPod, imagining that I was Linda Evangelista wearing the black polo neck sweater in the video. Linda had so much more class than Naomi Campbell who, as always, just got her kit off. There was of course Christy Turlington, who looked beautiful wrapped only in a white cotton sheet. But I chose to be Linda today.

Anyway, like I said, I'm miles away when all of a sudden these two scarily well groomed fashionable looking women pounce on me and start bombarding me with questions. This is before I've even had a chance to take my earphones out. Now, if you are au fait with Trinny and Susannah you will know that they will grab the most intimate part of your body with absolutely no compunction whatsoever and make no bones about telling you to your face that you do indeed have tits like Geoff Capes and a taste in ostentatious jewelry that would make Elizabeth Taylor proud.

I realised the gravity of the situation immediately. This was my moment. I struggled to do several things at once, while all the while remaining calm, collected and eminently stylish. While being filmed. While being scared. Because there was every possibility that I was about to be told that I looked like a sack of shit and made an example of to the nation - i.e., what not to wear.

This is how I recall the conversation went:

Trinny: "So tell us what you're wearing."

Christopher (shaking): "Well my jacket (maroon velvet) is something I found at H&M. The sweater (baby blue cashmere v-neck) was supposed to be a birthday present for an old client, but I stole it for myself. Um, the cowboy boots are from Rockit in Covent Garden and the jeans (boot-cut and distressed) are, er, from H&M again. And the scarf (stripy in autumnal colours) was a Christmas present but I like it because the red matches my jacket."

(No emotion registering on either of their faces. Fuck.)

Susannah: "So what are you dressing for today? Do you dress like this everyday?"

C: "Er, well I've just been to a job interview. I was a bit worried that I look a bit too casual, but I think it's kind of important to give a realistic impression of who you are, not only in what you say, but in how you look. Because in my industry, that being public relations, appearances are often of equal importance to what I actually do. And yes, on the whole I do dress like this most days. I like to take simple tailoring and mix it with a nice pair of jeans and some great knitwear."

(Work, Christopher, work!)

T: "Ok, well first of all..."

(prepares self for crucifixion)

T: "...you've mixed a really great range of colours. Velvet jackets are really in right now and you've been bold enough to choose one in a colour that not many people could wear. I'm also impressed with the tailoring, slim fitting, not too boxy, great considering that it's from H&M. Usually red and blue don't sit well together, but the baby blue sweater under the maroon works, surprisingly. The jeans are pretty standard, although you have picked a good cut. Let's see your bum."

(Susannah lifts up my jacket to expose my butt. Cameraman zooms in. Awesome. Not.)

S: "Now on the whole I always say that it is important to invest in a good pair of jeans. Decent jeans will usually make your legs look longer and thinner and will lift your bum, something equally important for both men and women. However, you seem to have a pretty nice bottom anyway [she grabs my cheeks] and long legs so while the jeans are cheap you actually make them look more expensive. Often it's the clothes that make the wearer look good. It's not often the other way around."

T: "Now the only thing that gives me pause are the cowboy boots. I am not a big fan of cowboy boots, even on cowboys. But if you absolutely have to wear them, only ever wear them with jeans. Boot-cut jeans. Which you've done. So great. Also, as cowboy boots go, you actually chose a good pair - camel colour, suede and buffed leather, with minimal detail and a good heel. And finally I like the scarf. Its length is a little mean, but you're right in saying that the colours in the stripes match what you are wearing. They do - perfectly."

S: "So overall you've created a great look here, mixing a variety of different styles and colours without spending a fortune. Well done."

Then a signing of a release form, a promise from the producer to call me if they air it, and it was all over. Trinny and Susannah flounce off to find their next victim. I doubted, somehow, that they would be quite so kind next time.

So let's recap:

I mix colours well
I accessorise well
I make cheap clothes look expensive

I think it's fair to say that I am now certifiably stylish.

You better know that I'm going to be dining out on that qualified fact for a long, long time.