Continuing the theme...

...of change:

I just spent £80 having my hair coloured at Toni & Guy. I went in to see a colourist on Thursday during my lunchbreak to discuss what I could have done. I made it clear that I didn't want to have a hair colour that would make me look freakish and weird, making me stand out in a crowd. I just wanted a hair colour that would make more men want to have sex with me.

My hair is naturally dark brown, so we decided to best accent it with a full head of medium brown highlights, with three or four really chunky sweeps of burgundy. It sounds horrific, but trust me - we put some little acrylic hair sample swatch things together and the results were certainly trouser arousing.

The procedure began this morning at 11.30am. Two hours and several cups of tea later I emerged from the salon onto King's Road with a shiny head of hair that looked, well, exactly the same as it did when I had arrived, really.

It doesn't look any different! I mean if you kind of squint and look at my hair at a weird angle, with the light cast on it just right, with Venus in retrograde and Pluto in Uranus, you might think that my hair is, perhaps, a tad shinier that it was when I got up this morning.

I just spent £80 to get my hair made slightly shinier! This is the kind of thing that Ann would do (Marv - back me up here). Do I complain? What do I do?

The acid test will be tonight when I go to Crash with Richard and Phil. Last time I went to Crash I had sex with one person. If my hair has indeed worked, I will be having sex with, at least, two tonight.

Oh! That's it! If I don't end up having sex with more than one person tonight I'll just go back to Toni & Guy on Monday, explain the lack of booty action and they are sure to give me a refund!