Imagine if you will:
Tom Cruise, while Googling the words "Tom Cruise", discovers my blog (because surely I have written the words "Tom Cruise" enough now to ensure that this blog is among the first to appear on Google), sees that I am inciting hatred towards him and immediately picks up his phone, calls his lawyers and instructs them to slap a Cease and Desist order on me.
Now normally the victim of such heavy-handed legal tactics would be scared to death and would immediately throw in the towel. But not me. When his lawyers call me I will absolutely tell them "No! I won't be gagged!" I'll also categorically, eloquently and in no uncertain terms tell them exactly what I think of their client ("And anyway, Tom Cruise is just a big stupid-head!")
Naturally the whole incident will become a MAJOR freedom of speech / human rights debacle and will be covered heavily by the international media with my blog's URL appearing in leading publications and on broadcast outlets the world over, dramatically increasing my traffic.
I will eventually have to go to court and while wearing a Hedi Slimane for Christian Dior suit I will be overcome by the magnitude of the situation and weep openly.
Despite the fact that the public will have rallied behind me, I still end up going to prison for six to eight years for being so unrelenting and fierce in my campaigning against Mr. Cruise. His lawyers are that good!
And when I'm in prison, deprived of the normal day to day things that we all take for granted, like the sound of a bird in a tree or the sensation of sunlight falling on my face, when all I ever smell is disinfectant and the rancid stench of old cabbages, when I am the bitch to some 47 year-old, massive, hairy, convicted drug-dealer called Viking, I will curse Tom Cruise and really, really hate him.
And as they sit there in their billions, diligently writing their letters to Amnesty International, demanding my release, so will the world!
No comments:
Post a Comment