Rough transcript of a conversation I just had with the company that has shipped my stuff over from the states (I am trying to arrange to have it delivered on Tuesday)...
Kelly: (Imagine a really stupid Essex girl accent) "Ello"
Me: (Imagine a really sexy, husky posh accent) "Hello. Is that Kelly?"
Kelly: "Yeah."
Me: "Oh, hi...hello. Now that my shipping has arrived at your warehouse I was wondering if I could arrange to have it delivered next Tuesday?"
Kelly: "Do you have your reference number?"
Me: "No - I'm afraid I lost the paperwork. I can give you all my other information, address and that kind of stuff"
Kelly: "I'll still need your reference number."
Me: "But I told you - I don't have it."
Kelly: "But we need it."
Me: "But I don't have it!"
Kelly: "Ok, then I suppose I'll need to do look it up myself."
Me: (incredulous) "Is that ok?"
On hold for about five minutes.
Kelly: "Ok. I have your reference number. To arrange delivery you'll need to pay the shipping fee first."
Me: "Ok, but can I pay by Solo?" (I know it's pikey, but I'm not allowed a Switch card yet cause I've been out of the country, alright?)
Kelly: "No."
Me: "Why not?"
Kelly: "Because we don't accept Solo or Switch. Do you have a credit card?"
Me: "Not one that I can charge it to."
Kelly: "We need a credit card."
Me: "Could someone else call up with their credit card details to pay the fee?"
Kelly: "No."
Me: "Why not?"
Kelly: "We just can't."
Me: "But I don't understand. Why does it matter who pays the bill? I'm trying to work with you here!"
Kelly: "We can only accept payment by credit card."
Me: (really losing my temper now) "Let me get this straight - there is no other way for me to pay except by credit card. Which I don't have. So how am I supposed to get my shipping?"
Kelly: "Well there is another way...you can do a bank transfer."
Me: "But you just said there wasn't another way, but ok."
We spend the next few minutes arranging the transfer details. I am finally getting somewhere now...
Me: "So when on Tuesday can you deliver?"
Kelly "We can't say. Anytime between 9am and 6pm."
Me: "..............."
Words...can't...describe...my anger. Heaving chest...flames...coming...out...of...the...side...of...my...face...
Going to Fiction tonight! Gonna dance my booty off!