The one where your protagonist attempts to rent a DVD and buy a coffee

Despite having consumed about twelve gazillion litres of Volvic A Touch of Fruit mineral water (Lemon and Lime, as opposed to the normal, yummy Strawberry), when I went to bed last night my vocal chords were still as dry as a virgin's...

When I woke up this morning the throat fairy seemed to have shined on moi and I felt sure enough of my regained vocal capabilities to attempt to venture out of the flat to rent a DVD and buy a Starbucks. Because my housemate has selfishly buggered off to Tunbridge Wells, yet again, to see her new boyfriend I had no one to practice on before I set off. So I practiced on myself in the bathroom mirror (fnar!)

"Hello! I was wondering if you have a copy of Enduring Love that I might be able to rent?" (just incase they didn't have it on the shelf and I had to ask)

"Hello! I was wondering if I might purchase a tall, skinny, no-whipped mocha?"

I decided that while I was still undoubtedly a little bit throaty and raspy I was, on the whole, dulcet and sexy. In other words, good to go.

First I get to the video shop and not only did they not have Enduring Love, but they didn't have Eurotrip any Krystov Kieslowski movies either. This really surprised me, even though my local video store is actually just a rotating stand in the corner of a grocery shop.

So I ventured up to the counter with my rehearsed line.

"I hwas huwenderi..."

The assistant tilted his head to one side.

"I hwas huwenderi ifff you haff..."

Leaning towards me, "What was that?"

Cut to me, about five minutes later, in Starbucks:

"Coul I haff a tall, skinny, no-whiffed moha plss?"

"What?"

"Coul I haff a tall, skinny, no-whiffed moha plss?"

[Puzzled expression]

"MOHA!"

I just got home with a copy of Hellboy and a semi-hot Latte. I'm not happy.