Bloody Drew! That Larry Kramer speech he sent round the other day seems to have been somewhat of a catalyst for something within me. Horror of horrors, I appear to be re-developing a conscience. All those years of consumerism, shopping, clubbing and hedonism have just been nullified. Damn you, Drew! (waves fist)
Guided by some unknown and irritating motivation, I spent most of Saturday on the internet, reading up on the current state of global gay politics, which led on to my researching gay direct action groups. It all got a bit out of control! Suddenly I was of the mind that maybe I needed to join in real time discussion. So I came across the Outrage! website. Of course I have been aware of Outrage! for many years now, but because of afore mentioned shallowness I kinda let them slip to the back of my mind. They have a meeting in the next two weeks in King’s Cross. I’m going to go and sit in the back and I’m going to absorb. And who knows? I may even learn something!
Recently I was out with some friends and one of my straight girlfriends pointed out to me that I don’t on the whole, come across very gay (she obviously hasn’t seen me at Shadow Lounge, after my fifth Absolut Mandarin and tonic, putting the moves down to a Donna Summer track!) Of course I was delighted! They think I look and act straight! Yay!
Then last night I was thinking about this and made a horrifying realisation. That’s actually not a good thing. Maybe the rest of you already realise this, and are going to go “Well, duh!” But I am sometimes slow on the uptake, so bear with me, ok? I believe this point I am going to make here is so fundamental to the concept of equality, recognition and acceptance in all it’s forms and yet it is an issue that I don’t think I have ever heard being seriously discussed.
There are ten men in a room and I add a woman. I then turn to you and say “pick out the woman” - it’s going to be easy, right? There are ten white women in a room and I add a black woman. I then turn to you and say “pick out the black woman” – again, easy, huh?
There are ten men in a room and I add a gay man. I then turn to you and say “pick out the gay guy.” Now it’s not so easy (not unless the gay guy is wearing a leather cap, chaps and a chest harness.)
Traditional stereotypes of what gay men and women look like are no longer relevant. It’s just not a dead giveaway any more. Straight men have started grooming, wearing nice clothes, working out, wearing sleeveless T-shirts. Straight men are looking like gay men! Eek! (Frustrating for us when we think they are gay and then they rebuff our advances!) And lesbians are shaving their legs, applying make up and wearing pretty dresses. It’s all so confusing!
On today’s modern high street we see certain groups of society everywhere. The black community has always been everywhere. They are in schools, shops, on the street, in nightclubs, hospitals, in the building you live in. They are your boss and they are the ever-helpful IT guy who shows you how to open a Word document (no, you can’t open a Word document in Netscape, silly!) The black community is everywhere. And we know this, because we can physically see them. And because they are everywhere, and we can see them, we have become familiar with them. And as a result we have started to see past the colour of their skin, to see the person underneath. And slowly we began to identify. And to care about them. And love them. Of course there are numerous other reasons why the black community, over time, has been embraced (arguably there is still oppression and there is still progress to be made). But visibility made the task slightly easier.
Gay people are in all those places as well. Gay people are everywhere. We know that. The straight community know that. But think about this - I bet if you did a straw poll of the average Joe’s and Josephine’s across the nation, in both cities and in rural hamlets, you would find that the majority wouldn’t remember ever having met a gay person. Sure they have seen them on TV and from time to time in the printed media. And no doubt they know that by the simple laws of averages they probably have met a gay person (or fifty). It’s just that the gay person wasn’t visible enough for them to realise.
And that’s the thing. And it’s a big thing. Huge in fact. We’re not visible enough.
A very common sentiment that I hear from straight people is that while they believe that caring, loving, responsible citizens should not be deprived of anything that they deserve, at the same time you don’t run around waving a banner that says “I’m gay!” And that has always been a sentiment that I could understand. I personally don’t want to have a label on my forehead that reads “Gay”. I want to blend in. I don’t want my sexuality to be an issue. My sexuality doesn’t and shouldn’t define me – I’m a complex soup consisting of many ingredients (Mulligatawny).
But that’s the most critical thing – equality in it’s very essence is afforded to the oppressed, in time (and it’s a slow, slow process) partly because the oppressed is visible. It’s so simple, yet so fundamental. And like I said, I don’t hear people talking about this.
In order for us to penetrate the mindsets of the average Joe and Josephine, to be recognised and accepted and identified with, aside from the fact that we are gay, we have to be visible. Our visibility will, in time, help to break down barriers and will make people familiar with us. And eventually this will help people to start to see past the sexuality thing and will start identifying on all the other levels. It’s not enough that for one day of the year (Gay Pride day) that we walk through the streets of our cities screaming at the top of our lungs “We’re here, we’re queer!” We have to be doing that every second of every day, everywhere we go.
But of course, we can’t. We can’t simply because our voices would give out. And we could wear banners on our back, but they might ruin the lines of our new and expensive Dries van Noten raincoat.
There are, of course, many other important factors in gaining credibility, recognition, equality and acceptance. But I think that this concept of visibility is incredibly important. And I have really been thinking about this, and I don’t have a clue – aside from us all painting ourselves hot pink and wearing leather chaps, 24/7 – how we go about making ourselves visible all the time. I think we really need to think about this.
Of course part of the answer is that it is important that those people in the public eye – politicians, actors, musicians, writers – step up to the mike and announce their sexuality to the world. So that everyone can hear them. I’ll concede that sexuality is ultimately a private matter. And in an ideal world, it wouldn’t make the slightest bit of difference to anything. But it’s not an ideal world, and it does. And I am starting to come to the point of view that if you have a public voice, in whatever form that may be, then arguably you have a duty to the rest of us, who don’t have that voice, to speak up on our behalf. It’s just a thought. Maybe I am wrong.
Again, you all probably know this. And I am the last to get on the bus. Wouldn’t be the first time!
Ok - to change the subject completely I went to the movies last night with some friends. During the ads before the movie we saw for the first time the new four minute Chanel No.5 commercial, starring Nicole Kidman, directed by Moulin Rouge’s Baz Luhrman.
I don’t really know how to put this.
After the commercial ended, my friends and I looked at each other and none of us could muster words. After a few moments I composed myself. “I think I’m going to cry. It’s just so… so…beautiful!!!”
Yeah - ok, ok. Gay to the core! ;)
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